One Fish Two Fish, Old Fish New Fish

Below are two emails I received

From: "Old Fish"  (23 years older than me) 

I like your profile, and you also look cute and savvy... wouldn't mind having an intellectual wrestling with you Would an age diifference pose a problem or its' just a number to you?

From: "young Fish" (9 years younger than me...and counting) 

hi there im XXX b4 u judge me by my age maybe you should get to know me

Dear Old Fish, 

You are 6 years younger than my father and that creeps me out, sorry. 

Dear Young Fish, 

Spelling out the word "before" would really, REALLY help your case. 

Love to you both, 

Pen 

The Jewfish

Several complete messages I have gotten in response to my profile mentioning I was looking to date only Jewish people:

"Well let me start out by saying hello buddy. I'm catholic, anywho you seem down to earth, kind and I just love the fact Thayer you much into your family and respect for religion. I'm XXXXX and hope to chit chat soon" 

 

"when was the last time u were jewish?"

"hmm @ only dating jewish ... well before i make my next point, I wanted to say that you have a lovely profile and an even lovelier smile :)... oh so back to the point, I believe in Judaism, you can marry "people of the book" ... and I am referring to the four holy books."

  Dear Several Jewfish, 

1) I'm glad you understood that when I said I'm interested in dating Jewish people, I really meant Catholic people.

2) Hmmm...I'm pretty sure the last time I was Jewish was right now


3) Before I make my next point, I just have to say I really don't understand your message at all. 


Love, 


Sand

Scat

This guy sent me a message, but his "about me" section just made me laugh! Enjoy!

swetlove, sweelove,sweelove, sweelove, sweetlove, sweelove,
sweelove. love love ,love ,love love ,love'
love love love love love love love love love sweetlove sweetlove,
sweelove love love love love love , sweetlove love ove
love sweelove love sweelove love sweetlove,


Dear Scat fish, 
I love how sweetlove turns into sweelove and then back.  I literally picture you "scat singing" this when I read it, thanks for making me laugh, 
Pin 

Silver Dollar

Subject: A comment about your profile

Body: hELLO!let's get together. I'll pay! MY Name! 


Dear Silver Dollar Fish,
There is so much to say:
1.  This is not a comment about my profile
2. you are over 50 years old, wHAT is WIth the RANdom CaPiToL LeTtErs?
3. You live 1,000 miles away from me, what exactly will you be paying for?


Love, 
Pin! 

Shrimpfish

Its Story time Kids! 


So- I come across profile that I really like, the guy and I have so much in common, similar values and even pursuing a similar profession. We chat and talk on the ozone and things go well. Then we decide to meet at a coffee shop. I get there before him and am sitting down when he comes in, when I stand up to greet him the fact that he is shorter than me is very clear. Here's the things, as a girl who is just over 5'1 on a good day, I just wasn't prepared for this, guys are pretty much alway taller than me. This was not the deal breaker, though it did make things awkward when it started to rain and I had to hold the umbrella. While on this non- date date, he suddenly grabbed my hand, then asked if it was OK. He did not buy coffee for me or himself, we walked to his car, which turned out to be further away than my apartment so he could drive me home  (it was during this time I had to hold the umbrella). When he did drop me off, he drove away almost before I could close the door. The kicker though, was the 5 frantic texts messages in less than an hour that followed the next day (he wanted to set up another date).

Dear Shrimpfish, 
I wish you well as you look for that perfect girl and I hope for clear skies on all future dates you may go on.
Love, 
Pin 

The Clingfish

After repeatedly declining to chat every 3 minutes, I finally realized that in order to block this guy I had to accept his request first. This is what greeted me when I finally hit yes to chat.

 

XXXXX:  GAME OVER

XXXXX:  its such a pleasure to meet you

XXXXX:  I to am a XXXXX [sports team] fan

XXXXX:  how dare you

XXXXX:  I am in chicago for the first time

XXXXX:  and I was going to invite u and ur friends our for a sick time tonight and otmorrow

XXXXX:  and u reject me :(

XXXXX:  y!

XXXXX:  so mean

XXXXX:  plus I am a XXXXX fan

XXXXX:  at least see what I have to say

XXXXX:  stop declining

XXXXX:  for the love of god

XXXXX:  open the window

XXXXX:  lets talk

XXXXX:  cmon

XXXXX:  please

XXXXX:  WHY?

 Dear Clingfish, 

Stop harassing me.

For the love of god.

I'm clearly not interested. 

Love, 

Sand

ps. If you read my profile, you'd see that I'm not interested in sports at all whatsoever, regardless of where I'm from.

Dogfish

Subject: Dog spelled backward is God and God is love

Body: I have two dogs, one is 9 years old, he is 91 pounds and he reads.  He also picks up the paper and brings it into the house.  the other is 23 pounds but thinks he's as big as his older brother.  He is 2 years old and very affectionate, he follows me everywhere. I have my own home, 5 minutes from the beach where I swim a quarter of a mile everyday and every night, I go down and sit by the water and pray for my soul mate.  If you are interested in getting to know me better, I am an enthusiastic, straight forward man who does not drink, take drugs, but who gets high on life and is strong in his faith.  So I give you my best wish, may you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.  God is love, I Love.

Dear Dogfish, 

seems like you got a cool life, but I am not sure how to take this email. 

love, 

Pin