The Jewfish

Several complete messages I have gotten in response to my profile mentioning I was looking to date only Jewish people:

"Well let me start out by saying hello buddy. I'm catholic, anywho you seem down to earth, kind and I just love the fact Thayer you much into your family and respect for religion. I'm XXXXX and hope to chit chat soon" 

 

"when was the last time u were jewish?"

"hmm @ only dating jewish ... well before i make my next point, I wanted to say that you have a lovely profile and an even lovelier smile :)... oh so back to the point, I believe in Judaism, you can marry "people of the book" ... and I am referring to the four holy books."

  Dear Several Jewfish, 

1) I'm glad you understood that when I said I'm interested in dating Jewish people, I really meant Catholic people.

2) Hmmm...I'm pretty sure the last time I was Jewish was right now


3) Before I make my next point, I just have to say I really don't understand your message at all. 


Love, 


Sand

Scat

This guy sent me a message, but his "about me" section just made me laugh! Enjoy!

swetlove, sweelove,sweelove, sweelove, sweetlove, sweelove,
sweelove. love love ,love ,love love ,love'
love love love love love love love love love sweetlove sweetlove,
sweelove love love love love love , sweetlove love ove
love sweelove love sweelove love sweetlove,


Dear Scat fish, 
I love how sweetlove turns into sweelove and then back.  I literally picture you "scat singing" this when I read it, thanks for making me laugh, 
Pin 

Silver Dollar

Subject: A comment about your profile

Body: hELLO!let's get together. I'll pay! MY Name! 


Dear Silver Dollar Fish,
There is so much to say:
1.  This is not a comment about my profile
2. you are over 50 years old, wHAT is WIth the RANdom CaPiToL LeTtErs?
3. You live 1,000 miles away from me, what exactly will you be paying for?


Love, 
Pin! 

Shrimpfish

Its Story time Kids! 


So- I come across profile that I really like, the guy and I have so much in common, similar values and even pursuing a similar profession. We chat and talk on the ozone and things go well. Then we decide to meet at a coffee shop. I get there before him and am sitting down when he comes in, when I stand up to greet him the fact that he is shorter than me is very clear. Here's the things, as a girl who is just over 5'1 on a good day, I just wasn't prepared for this, guys are pretty much alway taller than me. This was not the deal breaker, though it did make things awkward when it started to rain and I had to hold the umbrella. While on this non- date date, he suddenly grabbed my hand, then asked if it was OK. He did not buy coffee for me or himself, we walked to his car, which turned out to be further away than my apartment so he could drive me home  (it was during this time I had to hold the umbrella). When he did drop me off, he drove away almost before I could close the door. The kicker though, was the 5 frantic texts messages in less than an hour that followed the next day (he wanted to set up another date).

Dear Shrimpfish, 
I wish you well as you look for that perfect girl and I hope for clear skies on all future dates you may go on.
Love, 
Pin 

The Clingfish

After repeatedly declining to chat every 3 minutes, I finally realized that in order to block this guy I had to accept his request first. This is what greeted me when I finally hit yes to chat.

 

XXXXX:  GAME OVER

XXXXX:  its such a pleasure to meet you

XXXXX:  I to am a XXXXX [sports team] fan

XXXXX:  how dare you

XXXXX:  I am in chicago for the first time

XXXXX:  and I was going to invite u and ur friends our for a sick time tonight and otmorrow

XXXXX:  and u reject me :(

XXXXX:  y!

XXXXX:  so mean

XXXXX:  plus I am a XXXXX fan

XXXXX:  at least see what I have to say

XXXXX:  stop declining

XXXXX:  for the love of god

XXXXX:  open the window

XXXXX:  lets talk

XXXXX:  cmon

XXXXX:  please

XXXXX:  WHY?

 Dear Clingfish, 

Stop harassing me.

For the love of god.

I'm clearly not interested. 

Love, 

Sand

ps. If you read my profile, you'd see that I'm not interested in sports at all whatsoever, regardless of where I'm from.

Dogfish

Subject: Dog spelled backward is God and God is love

Body: I have two dogs, one is 9 years old, he is 91 pounds and he reads.  He also picks up the paper and brings it into the house.  the other is 23 pounds but thinks he's as big as his older brother.  He is 2 years old and very affectionate, he follows me everywhere. I have my own home, 5 minutes from the beach where I swim a quarter of a mile everyday and every night, I go down and sit by the water and pray for my soul mate.  If you are interested in getting to know me better, I am an enthusiastic, straight forward man who does not drink, take drugs, but who gets high on life and is strong in his faith.  So I give you my best wish, may you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live.  God is love, I Love.

Dear Dogfish, 

seems like you got a cool life, but I am not sure how to take this email. 

love, 

Pin

Humuhumu-nukunuku-apua‘a

The following is a profile introduction for a guy that wanted to chat with me:


well i want some she stay available to share thing i rifer the expense
i not say want one work for mantenance your husband but mi i believe
when one partner share things is because Really want to our love i
know possible i say something but those how i think that is love i not
want find some Girl for comvenience Girl respectful Honest faithful
responsable her understand what is when i form aFamily i not drunk but
i like Enjuy in Otherwise i little Romantic is depend how stay my
expense Here understand for Any Girl see my frofile not see my
pictures let know one thing i don,t know of course but for my i think
when someone you want know is not for picture because i think the
picture don,t say nothing is better when soneone interest to someone
treat to neet somewhere i think that because what it is matter you see
in the picture so when you see in person you dont like those why i
don,t believe in picture but i respect all opinion to each Girl


Dear Humuhumu-nukunuku-apua‘a fish, 
I'm not really sure what you are trying to say, but I am hoping that this is an example of Google Translate gone wrong. 
Love, 
Pin 

The California Smoothtongue

"Hey I liked what you have to say about you in your profile and you look pretty too. But, I am not interested in talking to you until I see your full picture. I recently went on a date with a damn fat girl who just put a picture of her face. Well, if you are one of those, please don't message me back. If you are not, send me your full picture, we could go from there."

Can't believe I let this one get away!

-Sand

What we're all about

We're in the process of going through many WRONG fish in the ocean of online dating. This blog is dedicated to those strays--the ones who make us stop and say, "Did that really just happen?!" or "CHECK PLEASE!" and "Umm...do I need to change my number now?" But most importantly the ones that keep us rolling on the floor with laughter. Here's to those guys and gals who keep the journey interesting--The WRONG Fish. Share your stories with us because we all have those "special" moments: thewrongfish86@gmail.com

Enjoy!

Your favorite bait, 

Sand Perch (Sandy) and Pinfish (Pin)